Somebody's Got A Secret
by Zee-Zee Magee
Summary: Um... Title should say it all.
1. Eliot's POV

**Author's Note:** Fine, I give up and join Fan fiction. A.K.A. Evil plot-bunnies are evil and refuse to let me not play with cherished characters. So enjoy the cause of my suffering and please, if you find something awful about my writing; keep it clean. Don't ask me where this came from 'cuz I don't know!

**Somebody's got a secret**

Sophie's pregnant. They all know it. They're thieves; they can tell. They just don't know how to go about asking about it. They're scared to find out. Mostly, they're not too certain she is and they do not want to have that particular argument with her. Plus, who's the father? Well, they each have some idea who the father is. Parker firmly believes that he's got serious control issues and is in love with alcohol and power… and Sophie. Hardison believes he likes to play with people's minds, has issues, and has done a stint in prison. Eliot believes he has dark brown hair, blue eyes, is about six foot one, and is a complete idiot. They all agree that his name is Nathan Ford, but don't tell them that. Sophie's pregnant and they know it. They can't quite figure out when the opportunity happened and why on Earth weren't they informed immediately. Parker's had enough. Eliot can tell. She's going to do it. She's going to blow the entire con. She's going to ask the question. Hardison knows she's going to ask the question and he's just sitting there. Why is he sitting there? He's the only one crazy enough to ever stop her and that's because he has this weird crush thing going on with her. Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh, she was going to get cookies. We're good. The con's still solid. They're going to ambush the two later. They were going to do it interrogation style because it was a unanimous vote and they should have told them when it happened. This will be the greatest con they have ever pulled. Nothing will stand in their way. Nothing…

"Is Nate the baby daddy?" Parker asked in a moment of pure and utter foolishness.

…except Parker. Dammit Hardison!

"Dammit Hardison!" I screech aloud because come on he's sitting right there and just lets her.

"What?" Hardison had the indignity to question.

"You were supposed to keep her mouth shut!" I reprimand automatically.

"It's not like I can predict when she's going to say something," Hardison argued back only slightly offended which is just wrong.

"So is he?" Parker asked when it became clear that everybody did indeed know about the maybe that was probably Nate's too.


	2. Hardison's POV

Then there was that awkward silence. The kind where the guilty party is staring at the rest of her team with that weird stare that means she is mentally knocking down all of your mind's firewalls just so she can find out all of your secret data; the kind of silence where you can literally see the lies popping into her head to get out of this very situation. The kind of awkward silence where everybody is uncomfortable, including Parker, because they don't exactly know what is supposed to happen next. It's like we were playing a game and then suddenly the computer decided to freeze because it's a stupid piece of junk that can't handle the new improvements that I personally worked extremely hard to fix. It's that deer in the headlights moment and the look on Sophie's face is going to kill us all when she explains to us that she is not pregnant and is very unhappy. I want a little sister though!

"Alright," Nate said with that incredibly bad timing that never really seems to apply to a job as he enters the extremely tense room, "What happened?"

"Sophie's pregnant," Parker commented in that little girl voice that is usually really cute but right now it's not because it's in that "Daddy's mad" way and that is just plain scary.


	3. Parker's POV

Nate's just staring at me. It's weird. Sophie's staring at me too. Oh wait, they're not staring at me they're staring at everybody. This is awkward. Oh, that's why they call it an awkward silence. Why are they still staring? I wonder if we'll get pizza for figuring it out. I like pizza. I wonder if it's a boy. I hope it's not a boy because I don't want to lose another brother and Nate will probably kill himself if that happens and then Sophie would die because she like has never lived without Nate so that wouldn't be cool. I want a little sister! That way I can teach her how to repel and steal things. Ooh, she'll like have Nate's fortune telling power and Sophie's mind reader powers and that will be awesome. I wonder if Hardison will let me watch x-men with him if I tell him that one. Hardison always smells like orange soda and gummy frogs and every time I see him I say pretzels now. I wonder if the baby will smell like orange soda and gummy frogs. I wonder if she'll like pretzels because she can't have them because they're mine and I really like Hardison, I mean pretzels.

"Is it Nate's?" I ask because I somehow got back to that which is way faster than usual and the look on Nate's face is kind of funny and scary at the same time.

Sophie made a little squeak noise that was very weird because she doesn't do that and Nate's jaw just got extremely tight when she did that so it's not Nate's then. That kind of sucks.


	4. Nate's POV

They know! Of course they know! They're thieves, why wouldn't they know? Given they're not exactly known for their observation skills but they're the best of the best so of course they know. How do they know? They can't know! We didn't tell them! I didn't tell them! Did Sophie tell them? She wouldn't tell them without letting me know first! She's scared to death and she should really stop doing that surprised look because it's really cute and she just isn't playing fair! Parker's looking like a lost puppy all of a sudden which means she's probably thinking something else right now. Eliot looks mad but no worse than usual so that's got to be a good sign. Hardison looks disappointed which is weird because I could have sworn he would be the happiest out of all of them. The kids know! They're not kids; they're grown adults that just act like children all the time. Sophie's going to kill me, if Eliot and Hardison don't beat her to it.

"Um," Sophie stammers in that cute voice that makes me want to pull her into my arms and never let her go which I should really not be thinking about right now. Damn, when did her skirt get so short and why is Parker staring at me like that?


	5. Sophie's POV

How do I get out of this? They know! Oh god, I told him we should have told them right after it happened! I knew this was going to happen! They're thieves! I was prepared for their little con! We were prepared for their little con! We were supposed to have until their con! I hate Nate! Dammit, he's looking at me with that look that got us into this mess in the first place. If I didn't love him so much I would bloody well kill him for this! Parker is afraid to know the answer! Eliot is hoping he doesn't have to kill Nate which is a good sign. Hardison is definitely going to kill Nate! Why do they suddenly think that it's not his? I don't sleep around! We weren't even officially dating when it happened so I could have slept with someone else but that damn man gave me a bloody conscious. Say something! Lie, lie, lie; lie like you have never lied before!

"What happened was…" Nate stammers because for some reason he and I are on the same wave link which is really weird and lovely at the same time.

"Oops," I stammer because I'm an idiot and for once he's the one with the words while I'm reduced to babbling incoherently. I'm going to kill him when this is all over.


	6. The Q&A

"I'm confused," Hardison stated after a beat, "Are you expecting, Sophie?"

"What would she be expecting?" Parker asked immediately.

"There's something wrong with you," Eliot growled with a roll of his eyes.

"Yes," Sophie squeaked in an uncharacteristically quiet voice, "I'm pregnant."

"Score," Parker cheered.

"Please," Hardison begged as he kept his eyes trained on the very still mastermind standing by the door, "Tell me Nate's the father."

"And if he isn't," Eliot kindly added with a growl that meant death would take place, "who is?"

"It's a funny story actually," Nate laughed nervously at that.

"Boy or girl?" Parker questioned enthusiastically at the news that it was indeed Nate and Sophie's baby.

"When?" Hardison demanded sternly.

"And what are the two of you going to do?" Eliot added because he and Hardison were actually on the same wave length for once. Hurt Sophie and die.

"When we took down Moreau," Nate replied sheepishly, "Apparently we had a very nice celebration that night."

"I told him we needed to tell you sooner!" Sophie blurted out to the surprise of everybody, "but no, he wanted to keep it a secret and then he was all nice and sweet and bribed me with flowers and music and a very romantic dinner that I didn't even know he was capable of and dates, lots and lots of dates. I was bribed!"

"Boy or girl?" Parker repeated with absolutely no surprise in her voice whatsoever at the grifter's frantic cry.

"Six months?" Hardison demanded with an air of venom, "You've been together for six months?"

"Why are we just finding out about this now?" Eliot demanded as he tried to remember if his last question was answered.

"I wouldn't call it together," Sophie mumbled to the table because she was trying her hardest to morph into it out of embarrassment.

"I would," Nate stated with a snap of his head in Sophie's direction as if he had been hurt by the words she had spoken.

"Boy or girl?" Parker shouted because that was what was important.

"They don't know yet, mama," Hardison explained carefully, "The baby isn't far enough along yet."

"Answer my questions," Eliot demanded once the young thieves were finally taken care of.

"Sophie answered your last one," Nate defended solemnly, "and then we found out about the baby and didn't know how to break the news to you."

"We were supposed to have until your little con," Sophie stammered unhappily, "We were going to tell you then."

"They knew about our con?" Parker asked with disappointment.

"Nate and Sophie," Hardison shook his head at the thief, "of course they knew."

"What are you going to do?" Eliot demanded earnestly.

"We don't know," Nate sighed after a pause, "We were too busy figuring out how to tell you."

"We're obviously keeping the baby," Sophie added on though that table was definitely doing a good job of hiding her now.

"How come you're not further along?" Parker asked as she noticed the grifter's stomach was still unnoticeably pregnant.

"Baby didn't happen until a couple weeks ago," Nate explained sheepishly as he seemed to become fascinated with the floorboards all of a sudden.

"Six to eight weeks ago he tricked me into falling into bed with him," Sophie commented as the table seemed to become more dominant during her crouching for cover.

"You didn't exactly put up that much of a fight," Nate argued back with a glare pointed at the table, "and it wasn't just six to eight weeks ago."

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it," Sophie cried out in desperation as she popped her head up from under the table long enough to respond.

"I like pregnant Sophie," Parker stated with a smile, "She's easier to understand and it's harder for her to hide her emotions. Reading her is nice."

"And she has that glow," Eliot nodded along with the thief, "Nate's going to die though."

"I'm still deciding which one I want to kill more," Hardison argued with that protective look he doesn't usually wear, "Though Sophie is very well-protected by the table right now so Nate is looking like the obvious candidate."

"She was wearing this dress," Nate had the audacity to argue, "and she looked really nice and she didn't exactly make it easy to resist."

"You put your hand up my skirt first!" Sophie hollered back and then gasped because she realized what she said.

"How sad is it that it makes total and complete sense that they wouldn't sleep together unless they were drunk first?" Parker demanded of the boys.

"If they start going into detail about how the baby was made I'm going to kill them," Eliot stated with a growl.

"Why did you keep this from us?" Hardison demanded simply.

"I'm pregnant, Hardison!" Sophie shouted as she finally decided it was safe to come out from under the table now, "It's not exactly easy for me to explain considering whom the father is and everything else that's going on in my head! The kid's not even going to know my real name because its father is going to call me Sophie all the bloody time!"

"And she's the one who started it by putting her tongue in my mouth," Nate growled profusely, "and I cannot say no to that woman's tongue!"

"Um..." Parker gasped at the mastermind's last comment.

"Ewe," Hardison finished for her as his face began to turn to a very impressive shade of purple.

"Run!" Eliot warned angrily as he flexed his muscles in preparation for the kill.

-I'll leave the rest up to you! -


End file.
